A Change of Life Plan

Hey everyone,

So it seems the word is spreading, there as well as here, that i have been given an early release for my mission. and oh how crazy it has been!! Today i have been receiving illegal phone calls from missionaries all over the place wanting to know what happened, hahahaha, and I have many emails of love and support.

I want everyone to know that everything that has happened is how it is written in my subject line. Simply a change of plans. I thought Heavenly Father would need me here for 18 months, but it turns out it was only 7. (yes, two days ago i completed SEVEN, que fuerte yo senti. ahahaha)

Although i feel stressed and nervous, i also feel happy and excited. You all know the movie Inside Out right? Thats how I feel, like all the little emotions in my head are fighting over the control board lol. just recently I went from crying to playing ping pong and laughing my head off. So just a warning for all I am actually goin a lil crazy lol. BUUUUT i am still me hahaha.

Before my interview with my mission president, I felt very strongly that i needed to follow the counsels of my mission president. So, I went in ready to hear that I was doing something wrong, that I should improve, that I was going to be needed for a different assignment, and WOAAAAH. It was different. He said something like, "the doctors are very worried, i am very worried, and you have done EVERYTHING you can to stay here, and we need to talk about getting you home." As surprised as I was, I was so grateful to know that this was a revelation from God. Through my own prayer a month or so ago, I received the same revelation that I may be needed in my house. My companion Hermana Moya reminded me of that, and since then, I have been just flying. I KNOW this is the right path. as much as it was my dream to serve a full 18 months ever since I was 14 or 15, I know I am needed somewhere else.

In my journey here, all I have ever wanted to do was the will of my Father who sent me on this mission. which was to preach the Gospel to the people in Paraguay. Now I see that His will is to have me in a different place, helping different people, and it hasnt been as hard to accept as I expected, because God's plan up to this point has been much better than my own.

I LOVED my mission. When i am sad, I only talk about the sad parts, but I LOVED these 7 months. I loved meeting new people, and meeting and counseling with my mission president, and most of all, teaching the Gospel and testifying of truth to those who don't have it. This will forever be a positive experience for me, and I am so excited to see what happens after this. And hey, if it's hard, I have been able to overcome some hard things already, and I will do it again.

I am sorry for the long email but it's the last one you will have to read from me hahaha. A talk that has helped me a lot here is "Wounded", but Neil L Anderson. It talks of the stripling warriors, and how although none of them did perish, "neither was one soul among them who had not received many wounds." In my mission, in LIFE, I have felt and will feel moments of pure pain, moments where I didn't feel hope, where I didn't feel loved, and you know, where i felt just.. Wounded! But this talk is not one of sadness. "The Savior is our Good Samaritan, he comes to us when others pass by. With compassion, He places His healing balm on our wounds and binds them up. He carries us. He cares for us. He bids us, "Come unto me, and He shall heal you."

I have learned that I am not meant to go home and hide, I am not meant to give up. It's not over. It's just barely starting!! ALL OF THIS LIFE IS JUST BARELY STARTING. THERE IS SO MUCH MORE THAN HERE IN THIS LIFE. "For you, the righteous, the Healer of our souls, in His time and His way, will heal all your wounds. No injustice, no persecution, no trial, no sadness, no heartache, no suffering, no wound, however deep, however WIDE, however painful... will be excluded from the comfort, peace, and lasting hope of Him whose open arms and whose wounded hands will welcome us back into His Presence. This day will come. I so witness in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen."

I look forward that day with HOPE IN MY HEART. Thank you for your love, and I will SEE YOU SOON!!! I should be home sometime Tuesday or Wednesday, and i hope to go to school if possible at Weber State, but God is gonna help me figure all those things out. Love you all so much.

Hermana Thomas

Ringing in the NEW YEAR!

this week was awesome!!!

we were able to accomplish lots and i still love working in the city. i feel it was made for me!!! especially this ward. i spoke in church yesterday and apparently i met miss america from 1985, her name is sharlene wells.

in zone conference we had a PINE WOOOD DERBY!! it was so fun!!!!!! i was definitely the most competitive missionary there. i took 4th place, but i won in my heart.

we have investigators SO CLOSE TO BAPTISM!! satan is just getting in the way like always. but with prayer and fast, and continued patience i know it will come. they are all growing and changing so much!!!

we are still trying medications to control all my health stuff better, and its trying my patience. i want to be healthy because i want to serve better!! and help others. but its okay. i can be patient. and god, and all of your prayers and fasts, are giving me sufficient strengths to keep going. my healing is slow but sure, and i know hope never dies, even when i cant feel it.

i have support on both sides of the world and on both sides of the veil. i am full of hope and love for all of you. thank you!!!

hermana thomas

Today is Christmas

My whole family on my dads side should understand the subject line.

No pictures so sorry!! i am the worst at christmas presents cant even send you all a picture.

running low on time, but there were miracles as always.

illuminar tu fe en cristo!!! (Keep the faith in Christ) everyone read a little more scripture, say a little more prayer, and remember the true spirit of Christmas

i am eternally grateful for all the hard things. a wise hermana said to me yesterday, try not to understand why you are going through something while you are in the middle of it, but rather when you look back at it, because when you look back it will all be clear. I KNOW THATS TRUE !

FELIZ NAVIDAD !
hermana thomas

PS from Janice- Some kind members sent me a few pictures this week, so I'm including those here. We also got to talk to Mallory and she looks great and seems to be improving! Thanks for the prayers.

God is Pulling Me Through- 6 months!

oh my gosh you guys.

this week. ROCKED.

i am sorry you didnt hear from me last week. but mejor asi les prometo jaja [it's better that way I promise). It wasnt a good week.

i want to expain all the beautiful miracles that have happened this week. first off i will just say i went 3 days without a panic attack, and i have never felt happier and with more energy. grateful for mission president, companion, doctor, family, EVERYTHING!!!

i got to perform savior of the world twice this weekend and it was amazing!!!!

so changes!!!! i will be going to the ward moroni, center of asuncion, with lots of americans and the nicest house in the mission. they treat you good when you have to go to the doctor every week!!! lol. i will be good.

in my last interview with president, i asked him what to do when i cant find faith. when things are just so hard that the hope dies, and faith seems so far. and he said, "first, surround yourself with strong people." i luckily spent this week with an amazing hermana leader who helped me beyond belief!!!! definition of a strong person. then he said, "second, as soon as you get to your good times, drop to your knees and beg God to help you remember to stay strong in the hard times." i am now entering a good time, and i have never spent more time on my knees. so however your situation may be at this time, i invite you to prepare. i invite you to strengthen your faith NOW. like our prophet has declared, the times are hastening, and it will require the constant companionship of the holy ghost to stay strong and not fall. so prepare now, and DONT FALL!!! and if you have fallen, find someone, preferably Jesus Christ, to help you back up.

dont give up on a friday. because sunday will come.

hermana thomas

i got to despidir [say goodbye] to my old area a little bit and friday night was SO FUN there was a giant zone activity in mariona and we got to talk about iluminar su fe [lighting your faith]!!!! it was so awesome!!!! enjoy pictures for once lol. ALSO 6 MONTHS DOWN

Letter to Family

hey everyone,

very first, i want to apologize for my email last week. mom said something like, "i couldnt believe that was my daughter on the other end." but guess what, it wasnt really. i had had probably the worst week of my mission up to that point, and my inbox was full of several people telling me to just lose myself in the work, and they have no idea how badly i wanted to do that and how much my body couldnt. i was at a very emotional high point when i wrote that email. i want you to know my mission has been a good experience so far, even tho it hasnt been easy. i am sorry for only seeing the negative in this time and on this day, i feel really bad to have given you guys a glimpse into the worst of me. but luckily i have a very loving family who understands.

hermana evans told me she called you guys haha. i am grateful, because that wretched email had been on my mind the whole week. so im glad you guys know i was doing okay.

something happened monday. i had a panic attack during cyber, and had another one that morning, and then, i just felt my tears stop, and my companion asked me "are you okay, what happened" and i just said, "you know, i could cry, i could explain to you how i feel, but thats not how i want to use my time right now." and my tears just... dried. and ever since that day, i have felt incredible. my counselor told me it would take 20 days for my medication to start working, its now been 26, and i feel amazing. this was the BEST week of my entire mission. i dont know if i say that just because the last change has been the worst 6 weeks like of my life, or because it was really an incredible week, but you guys, heavenly father SAVED ME. i had only asked mom about signing me up for classes and considered coming home because i literally couldnt take care of myself anymore. i didnt want to eat, stand, smile, read my scriptures, pray, all i could do was lay there. and thats not fair to my companions or my mission president. so thats why i was gonna come home. but you guys, heavenly father is SAVING ME. slash drugs too. this week, i worked all day every day!!!!!!! and i LIKED IT!!!!!! i didnt talk at all the first two days to anyone, but i did a contact completely by myself on sunday!!!! i felt your prayers, your fasts, the fasts of my zone and of my companion, and i could literally feel angels lifting me. we call december the month of miracles here in the mission, because we want to find 100 converts, but i prayed that i could be a part of the month of miracles. and you guys its happening!!!! i think im really going to get to stay!!! and i think im going to love it!!! i know it wont be the best week every week, or the best day every day, but i think its going to be possible now.

i have no idea why everything flipped, but i have never felt more grateful. EVER. this hermana leader saved my life. her name is hermana moya. mom will you send her an email thanking her for helping me!!! catalina.moya also jane.bulaqui my old companion. shes really sensitive and i think shes sad i couldnt be with her the last week of the change, but it was for the best. you should just thank them for everything they did for me. i thank them to obviously but an email from you will make it more special. but im serious hermana moya saved me. the first night in presidents house, i woke up that morning and launched into a panic attack. i told her how i didnt think i belonged here and how this is so hard. she simply said. "que te hizo pensar que la mision es dificil. la mision es lindo." and then... she showed me it is. she showed me how to learn to follow rules, but to not feel shame when i dont. she showed me how to talk to people, and to not feel bad when they dont accept me. this hermana saved me. she is my favorite companion. even tho i only get her a week!! she is also a blunt latina which i needed. "claro que si no vas a sentir despierta durante el dia so no hagas tu ejercicios en las mananas." "por que no hablas en las lecciones. se que sabes ensenar, hay que abrir to boca hermana, es tu llamamiento." but also, "por que te sientes mal, usted es muy buena misionera." "si te vas a tu casa, tu familia va a amarte todavia." "dios te entiende, y nadie mas. hay que hacer caso a el no mas."

she. saved. me.

dad, you are right. i can do this. mom, you are right, i can do this. you are all right, and THANK YOU. i hope that gradually each email will become less about my health and more about the work. GUESS WHAT!! i didnt have a panic attack for three days in a row. and when i had them, i talked myself down, and went back to work. I CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

also. CHANGES!!! i am going to the most rich area in the mission. and seriously... EVERYONE talks about this area. a million americans, and the hermanas house is apparently HUGE!! everyone talks about it. ahahahaha. i am going to be with hermana allegre from peru. it should be a good change and my spanish should improve more !!!

i am gonna talk more about my awesome week in my group email. love you all!!!! HURRAH POR ISRAEL!!!!!!

You Keep on Walking

Hey all!!!

This week.... went!! and i improved. my panic attacks are fewer and farther in between and i was able to work a lot more. we even had an investigator in church!!! his name is luis. he is really awesome and trying so hard to learn as much as he can.

so today SUCKED hahahahahaha so viste que [you see] i dont really know my way around all of paraguay and with this obra de teatro [theater performance] they have been asking me to travel to a lot of different churches and people are giving me directions like "uh get off the collectivo [taxi] 3 cuadras [blocks] past the mango tree" just doesn't really cut it sometimes. so today i had to find my way to this capilla [church] and it took us like 2 and a half hours and then i had to make my way to the offices.

AND NOW IS WHERE THE REAL ADVENTURE STARTS

i am leaving the offices and im like "fetch i have been to the offices a million times i know where to get on the colectivo [taxi] its just kind of a long walk" so i confidently start leading my companion to the bus stop just like the smarty pants i am and we walk about 10 blocks and i start thinking "this doesn't look familiar" and then start the tears and the ahhh what do i do. so i sit down and i call my district leader to make sure i was almost there and he goes "you turned left when you left the offices, right?"

uh. no.

SO I STARTED CRYING LOTS CUZ WE HAD WALKED FOR SO LONG AND IT WAS SO HOT AND MY WHOLE P DAY WAS OVER AND THE LIFE OF HERMANA THOMAS IS JUST SO HARD OKAY.

but then as we are walking the seemingly long blocks back to where we needed to be, a voice comes into my head, the voice of Jeffrey r holland, with an image of him walking down a long dirt road to find help for his young family. and i heard his voice say "dont you quit. you keep on walking. dont you quit."

Recently on my division with an hermana leader, i learned that jeffrey r holland also struggled with anxiety and depression. i have never felt more confidence than to hear his voice entering my head telling me that i can keep going. and he wasn't just talking about the long blocks to the bus stop, but he was telling me to keep going. to keep fighting the hard times.

So i testify to all of you now, to NOT QUIT. don't you quit. you keep on walking.

with that, this week was better. it wasn't good, it wasn't perfect, but it was better. And God is there.

Spread some Christmas cheer and play in the snow. i love you all so much!!

hermana thomas

Line Upon Line

Hey everyone,

Things are going here in Paraguay. with everything going on with my anxiety, we haven't been able to work a ton, but we have spent lots of time with very loving and patient members and missionaries.

Things are improving little by little! One member told me that I need to stop asking why this is happening to me, but ask for what purpose this is happening to me. So thats what i am doing!! and i may not get my answer soon, but i know i will soon, because God ALWAYS pulls through.

God keeps putting people in my path to help me, and is giving me small opportunities to serve. i am grateful for my talent with music, because singing NEVER stresses me out.

I love you all, and thank you for your prayers!!!

Hermana Thomas