Letter to Family

hey everyone,

very first, i want to apologize for my email last week. mom said something like, "i couldnt believe that was my daughter on the other end." but guess what, it wasnt really. i had had probably the worst week of my mission up to that point, and my inbox was full of several people telling me to just lose myself in the work, and they have no idea how badly i wanted to do that and how much my body couldnt. i was at a very emotional high point when i wrote that email. i want you to know my mission has been a good experience so far, even tho it hasnt been easy. i am sorry for only seeing the negative in this time and on this day, i feel really bad to have given you guys a glimpse into the worst of me. but luckily i have a very loving family who understands.

hermana evans told me she called you guys haha. i am grateful, because that wretched email had been on my mind the whole week. so im glad you guys know i was doing okay.

something happened monday. i had a panic attack during cyber, and had another one that morning, and then, i just felt my tears stop, and my companion asked me "are you okay, what happened" and i just said, "you know, i could cry, i could explain to you how i feel, but thats not how i want to use my time right now." and my tears just... dried. and ever since that day, i have felt incredible. my counselor told me it would take 20 days for my medication to start working, its now been 26, and i feel amazing. this was the BEST week of my entire mission. i dont know if i say that just because the last change has been the worst 6 weeks like of my life, or because it was really an incredible week, but you guys, heavenly father SAVED ME. i had only asked mom about signing me up for classes and considered coming home because i literally couldnt take care of myself anymore. i didnt want to eat, stand, smile, read my scriptures, pray, all i could do was lay there. and thats not fair to my companions or my mission president. so thats why i was gonna come home. but you guys, heavenly father is SAVING ME. slash drugs too. this week, i worked all day every day!!!!!!! and i LIKED IT!!!!!! i didnt talk at all the first two days to anyone, but i did a contact completely by myself on sunday!!!! i felt your prayers, your fasts, the fasts of my zone and of my companion, and i could literally feel angels lifting me. we call december the month of miracles here in the mission, because we want to find 100 converts, but i prayed that i could be a part of the month of miracles. and you guys its happening!!!! i think im really going to get to stay!!! and i think im going to love it!!! i know it wont be the best week every week, or the best day every day, but i think its going to be possible now.

i have no idea why everything flipped, but i have never felt more grateful. EVER. this hermana leader saved my life. her name is hermana moya. mom will you send her an email thanking her for helping me!!! catalina.moya also jane.bulaqui my old companion. shes really sensitive and i think shes sad i couldnt be with her the last week of the change, but it was for the best. you should just thank them for everything they did for me. i thank them to obviously but an email from you will make it more special. but im serious hermana moya saved me. the first night in presidents house, i woke up that morning and launched into a panic attack. i told her how i didnt think i belonged here and how this is so hard. she simply said. "que te hizo pensar que la mision es dificil. la mision es lindo." and then... she showed me it is. she showed me how to learn to follow rules, but to not feel shame when i dont. she showed me how to talk to people, and to not feel bad when they dont accept me. this hermana saved me. she is my favorite companion. even tho i only get her a week!! she is also a blunt latina which i needed. "claro que si no vas a sentir despierta durante el dia so no hagas tu ejercicios en las mananas." "por que no hablas en las lecciones. se que sabes ensenar, hay que abrir to boca hermana, es tu llamamiento." but also, "por que te sientes mal, usted es muy buena misionera." "si te vas a tu casa, tu familia va a amarte todavia." "dios te entiende, y nadie mas. hay que hacer caso a el no mas."

she. saved. me.

dad, you are right. i can do this. mom, you are right, i can do this. you are all right, and THANK YOU. i hope that gradually each email will become less about my health and more about the work. GUESS WHAT!! i didnt have a panic attack for three days in a row. and when i had them, i talked myself down, and went back to work. I CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

also. CHANGES!!! i am going to the most rich area in the mission. and seriously... EVERYONE talks about this area. a million americans, and the hermanas house is apparently HUGE!! everyone talks about it. ahahahaha. i am going to be with hermana allegre from peru. it should be a good change and my spanish should improve more !!!

i am gonna talk more about my awesome week in my group email. love you all!!!! HURRAH POR ISRAEL!!!!!!

You Keep on Walking

Hey all!!!

This week.... went!! and i improved. my panic attacks are fewer and farther in between and i was able to work a lot more. we even had an investigator in church!!! his name is luis. he is really awesome and trying so hard to learn as much as he can.

so today SUCKED hahahahahaha so viste que [you see] i dont really know my way around all of paraguay and with this obra de teatro [theater performance] they have been asking me to travel to a lot of different churches and people are giving me directions like "uh get off the collectivo [taxi] 3 cuadras [blocks] past the mango tree" just doesn't really cut it sometimes. so today i had to find my way to this capilla [church] and it took us like 2 and a half hours and then i had to make my way to the offices.

AND NOW IS WHERE THE REAL ADVENTURE STARTS

i am leaving the offices and im like "fetch i have been to the offices a million times i know where to get on the colectivo [taxi] its just kind of a long walk" so i confidently start leading my companion to the bus stop just like the smarty pants i am and we walk about 10 blocks and i start thinking "this doesn't look familiar" and then start the tears and the ahhh what do i do. so i sit down and i call my district leader to make sure i was almost there and he goes "you turned left when you left the offices, right?"

uh. no.

SO I STARTED CRYING LOTS CUZ WE HAD WALKED FOR SO LONG AND IT WAS SO HOT AND MY WHOLE P DAY WAS OVER AND THE LIFE OF HERMANA THOMAS IS JUST SO HARD OKAY.

but then as we are walking the seemingly long blocks back to where we needed to be, a voice comes into my head, the voice of Jeffrey r holland, with an image of him walking down a long dirt road to find help for his young family. and i heard his voice say "dont you quit. you keep on walking. dont you quit."

Recently on my division with an hermana leader, i learned that jeffrey r holland also struggled with anxiety and depression. i have never felt more confidence than to hear his voice entering my head telling me that i can keep going. and he wasn't just talking about the long blocks to the bus stop, but he was telling me to keep going. to keep fighting the hard times.

So i testify to all of you now, to NOT QUIT. don't you quit. you keep on walking.

with that, this week was better. it wasn't good, it wasn't perfect, but it was better. And God is there.

Spread some Christmas cheer and play in the snow. i love you all so much!!

hermana thomas

Line Upon Line

Hey everyone,

Things are going here in Paraguay. with everything going on with my anxiety, we haven't been able to work a ton, but we have spent lots of time with very loving and patient members and missionaries.

Things are improving little by little! One member told me that I need to stop asking why this is happening to me, but ask for what purpose this is happening to me. So thats what i am doing!! and i may not get my answer soon, but i know i will soon, because God ALWAYS pulls through.

God keeps putting people in my path to help me, and is giving me small opportunities to serve. i am grateful for my talent with music, because singing NEVER stresses me out.

I love you all, and thank you for your prayers!!!

Hermana Thomas

Hey All

hey everyone!!

bad news my camera is broken again so no cute pictures.

things are going well in laurelty!!! we have some cute investigators and i have taught a lot these past two weeks!! now we just ogtta get these people to church ahahahaha!!!

i want to get a little personal for a minute. during my whole mission, i have struggled with anxiety and a little bit of depression. i mean who wouldnt amiright its STRESSFUL and its HARD. hahahahaha. But you guys, God is real. we dont always know his plan for us, and sometimes he only lights one footstep ahead of us, but we keep holding to that rod and pressing forward. i want to testify that this church is true, and that the atonement is real. no matter how far down you feel, Christs hand will reach down low enough to you, all you have to do is reach up and grab it. So, as I keep going here day by day, i just try and grab his hand and let him guide me.

I am not sure whats going to happen tomorrow, or the next day or the next day, but God is lighting the way for me one step at a time, and I am going to trust that for now.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but Today is a gift from God. my dad told me that and I am not really sure who orignally said it so we are just gonna say my dad is super wise.

i am grateful for a very loving and supporting family who has always got my back, as well as members and missionaries who help me out every day!!

LOVE YOU ALL!!!
HERMANA THOMAS

New Companion

HOLA!!

yes i am still in paraguay but i am now serving in a much more asian culture!!! lol!! my cute new companion is from the PHILLIPINES!! i love her so much you guys!!! hahaha my subject line is because she moved everything around in the apartment and i asked her if she believed in feng shui and she was like "what, no, thats chinese people, i just thought the oven made more sense over here." lol so thats how cultured i am. good thing it makes her laugh lol.

this week was really hard and really good. a sweet moment for every bitter. after being constrained the house for about 2 weeks i realized that we kind of didnt have many people to see with my new companion. she was very patient and loving as we contacted and i cried and then we contacted more and i cried lol. BUT THINGS ARE COMING BACK TOGETHER POR SUERTE [luckily]. god always always always pulls through if we put our trust in him.

we were supposed to have a capilla abierta [open house] this weekend and then it rained a foooooool!!! so they canceled it. but we are gonna try again this weekend. but we got to clean the font for a little talk thing they do about baptism!!

our ward is so cute!!! at noche de barrio they had my comp take a penalty shot because she has never played soccer before and everyone was cheering her on and it was so cute i had ganas [the urge] to cry, en serio [seriously].

things are going uphill always. God only wants to bless, and when he doesnt its because hes going to soon. I promise.

i testify that Jesus Christ is my savior, and in my time here on earth i want to do what he would do if he were here. do my best to focus on what i have to give, not what i have yet to receive. its fetching hard but its really cool when i can do it hahaha.

remember no matter how low you are, how far you have gone, God STILL loves you. your worth does not depend on your circumstances or choices. you are always worth so much, and dont forget it!!!

i love you all SO MUCH!!!!!!!

HERMANA THOMAS

A Healthy Companion in Time for Transfers

Hey yall!!!
Good news!! Hermana Dewitt is feeling MUCH better. i am very very happy!! but now that we are back in the groove of things, i will be getting a new companion here in laurelty tomorrow!! everyone start praying for her that she can handle me, you all of all people should know just how tough that is, ahahaha.

GUESS WHAT! i get to play Mary in savior of the world. i just found out today that i will be performing that with a few other missionaries at a bunch of church open houses in paraguay during december!! so that will be so awesome!! this december we have a goal for 100 baptisms in our mission though and they made it very clear to me that this isnt a chance to slack off in the work, but to work twice as hard to do something else extra and cool.

i am sad to say bye to hermana dewitt, but excited to hear about her new adventures. everyone in this area is going to miss her so much, and me most of all. but i am excited for her.

i testify that God lives and that this is His church. there is no doubt in my mind. "hes calling your name, hes waiting for you, with arms open wide, come unto christ."

my fav investigator right now is Yanina! she is an angel. and she is SO SMART!! we are very similar and love to talk. wish we could speak in english or that i knew spanish better because we could talk for hours!! she is loving everything about our church because she says she feels something undescribable when we talk to her and that everything we say makes sense. thats because the spirit and because this church is TRUE!!

alsoooo avalos is doing well still but their grandma is sick and struggling, so the boys couldnt come to church. we are hoping to get more of their family members at our church open house this weekend. there is lots of potential in the area and things are coming!!

keep the prayers up. love you all.

a few pictures so yall dont forget what i look like

Living on a Million Prayers

Hey all,

wow. i am so tired. and grateful!! but mostly tired. seeing and singing for the prophet today was incredible, it really was and we are so grateful!!!!!!!!!! i am so certain he is the prophet of God.

this week my companion passed out. thursday night, we were in a family home evening and she started to feel woozy so i called a member to come pick us up, by the time they got there, she was really bad and she passed out. it was insane, i cant even put into words how exhausted i am and how insane this week has been, but God is real and he helps us.

we were able to get her to the hospital thursday night and to a better hospital friday morning. we stayed in the hospital until saturday night. they arent positive still what happened to her, and she is still struggling and has to sleep all the time and eat all the time and all the things, but we are figuring things out. we are going to second doctor tomorrow morning, and are hopeful they will be able to tell us more. plus we have the blessing and help of a prophet which is amazing.

shout out to all you mothers out there, especially my own. taking care of another person is a lot of pressure and i am exhausted and it has been less than a week. but i feel the strength of your prayers and the prayers of everyone all around the world. KEEP EM COMING!!

the work is going and we do a little where we can, but God is taking care of it for now.

i love you all, thanks for your support!!!

hermana thomas